Eulogy

I stood, shaking in front of you

As the songs were sung, the prayers said

And I called out to you, 

But you did not answer, because you were dead

I cried silently, watching, waiting

And as time ticked by

Every moment, I was hating

The fact that I never got to say goodbye

So I write to you, my love

As you watch me from above,

Everthing I never got to say to you:

I met you two years ago on the corner of Fremont Avenue

And even then I knew that I would fall for you.

You looked at me strangely when I voiced this aloud

And right then, I nearly cowed

But, I stood strong

And eventually, you came along.

You were my first everything

Which is why everyone was surprised when i bought the ring

But, i didn't need to date around,

Looking for something I had already found.

We made it two years together,

Cruising straight through the stormy weather

We survived every obstacle put in front of us

So easily, no fuss

But there was one we could not avoid,

One we thought to be, because of our ages, devoid.

But, death has no age limit, we now know

Wish we would've known earlier, though.

(Heart failure at twenty eight years old

Is not uncommon, I am now told.)

It saddens me to think of all the more years we could have had

All the ups and downs, good and bad.

I think of all the years you won't get to live

And you know that there is nothing I wouldn't give

So that you could have those years of life

I'd even give you up as my wife, 

If that's what it would take,

You have no idea of all the sacrifices I would make.

But, that's the thing about life and death: it doesn't work that way

You can be alive one day

And the next day gone.

And it all just seems so wrong.

I still have your ring.

Without it, I have nothing left.

Some people believe that love can endure anything

Except death

But that's not true,

at least not for me and you.

And even though it's time to say goodbye,

Just remember that my love for you will ALWAYS be able light the darkest sky.

Death can only strengthen love,

Not destroy it.

I love you, 

And I miss you dearly.

Signed sincerely,

Me.

I Feel

I feel dizzy with emotions, 
and my head aches with pain. 
It feels like im just going through the motions, 
of life and all its games.

I feel sick with hate, 
for this world and its twisted system. 
I keep dodging my fate, 
trying not to become a victim. 

I feel this bitterness swell inside my heart, 
and i try not to let it show. 
But its ripping me apart, 
and i wonder when i'll finally blow. 

I feel this melancholy pressing down on me, 
stealing my breath away. 
I feel like ive not only lost the key, 
but ive also lost my way.

But as tears threaten to overflow from my eyes, 
i hastily wipe them away. 
Stifling my pain filled cries, 
i tell myself everything is gonna be okay.

Love

Love. 
Is that word really so strange? 
Is it really the cause of all your pain? 
Is that what's driving you insane? 
Or is it its meaning, 
That has your boat careening, 
That has you tipping and leaning, 
Over that ledge, 
Preparing you to take that pledge? 
Or, could it be its implements, 
That leave such a dent 
In your scent, 
Even if that's not what you thought you wanted or meant? 
Could such a word, with its implements and meaning 
Be so redeeming 
In its flawed perfection? 
So generous with its rejection, 
And so eager to show everyone the reflection 
Of its unnecessary dejection? 
Or is the experience much simpler than we make it out to be? 
Is it just too hard for the human mind to see, 
That though love is cruel and love is kind, 
Love is also blind, 
Ninety nine percent of the time. 
And that we see what we want to see, when we want to see it 
And what we see is probably exactly what we're gonna get. 
So, when that four-letter word comes knocking at your door, 
If you decide to open it and take what's in store, 
Just remember that its effects and consequences will be with you forevermore. 

Her First Time

The world spins round,
her heart starts to pound. 
Her eyelids flutter, 
no words, she cannot utter. 
Her toes go numb,
her ears hum.
Her memory fades,
as her mind acts as shades. 
To shield her from the sorrow, 
and prepare her for tomorrow. 
She sleeps soundlessly, 
knowing she cannot hear, taste, smell, or see. 
But most importantly, she cannot feel, 
those wounds that just won't heal. 
But she can feel that artificial ecstasy, 
that she desperately wants to be, 
the thing that saves her from all of the pain, before it drives her insane.
And to helping her conceal, 
all that is raw and real. 
And to helping her fight, 
that distorted light,
that keeps finding its way inside. 
Trying to convince her not to hide, 
from life and all of its pain and strife.
But she chooses, instead, to hold it all in, 
to let life win,
by indulging in her guilty little pleasure, her guilty little sin.

The World

The world runs as i walk. 
The world continues as i halt. 
The world laughs as i cry. 
The world lives as i die. 

The world hates as i love. 
The world pulls as i shove. 
The world kills as i create. 
The world is too early and i am too late. 

The world approaches as i retreat. 
The world wins as i sigh in defeat. 
The world seizes as i let go. 
The world is friend and i am foe. 

The world is big and i am small. 
The world is silenced as i call.

You left Me All Alone

You ask me to forgive you when... 

You left me all alone 
When I needed you the most 
You left me all alone 
When I needed to be comforted and held close 

You left me all alone 
When I was feeling blue 
You left me all alone 
When I said I loved you 

You left me all alone 
When I gave my heart and soul to you 
You left me all alone 
When I had no one else to turn to 

You left me all alone 
When I started to cry 
You left me all alone 
I wanted to die 

You threw my love away without me having a say 
You tortured my heart 
You ripped me apart 
You threw me away like a piece of junk
You stuffed my feelings into your trunk

So don't ask me to forgive you 
When I know your apology is not sincerely true

My Unsung Life

I called out to you, as I had done many times before

And as I would do forevermore:

...................................................................................................................................................

Mirror Mirror on the wall,

Shall I live until the fall?

Shall I die before I wake?

Or shall I be spared, for your sake?

Mirror Mirror on the bed,

What’s that pounding in my head?

Is it true that you wish me dead?

Or is that, too, just in my head?

Mirror Mirror on the floor,

Whose that knocking at my door?

Is it the angel of death?

Coming to steal my last breath?

Mirror mirror on the wall,

It is not my time at all!

Why must you be so impatient!

There MUST be just a little more time I could buy or rent!

Mirror mirror on the bed,

All has not been done and said! 

My hunger for life is not yet fed!

And yet you do not care, I dread!

Mirror mirror on the floor

Is that YOU knocking at my door!

Is that YOU squeezing the life out of me?

...................................................................................................................................................

And then for once, you answered to me:

“Yes, tis me who wishes you dead.

Tis me who feels your heart with dread.

Tis me who cannot wait any longer,

For you will not get any stronger!

If sixty years is enough time for me,

Then sixty years is enough for thee.

But do not think that I have dealt thou

A terrible, terrible foul.

For, this is the way of life and death.

I do not wish to take thy's last breath.

But what must be, must be.

This is much bigger than just you and me”

...................................................................................................................................................

And I answered back:

“Mirror, oh mirror, must you state the obvious fact.

I know this is the way of life and death,

But its far too soon to go beneath!

Sixty years is no time, really.

For a human life, its kind of silly.

I am in good health

And I live in stealth.

I am peaceful. 

And to any argument, I am mutual

I've never let a false word roll off my tongue,

And this is why my song has not yet been sung!

I’m requesting more time on this earth

For my entire life has been full of nothing but dearth!

I have too many ends that need to be tied,

And too many things that would never get done if I died!

...................................................................................................................................................

And then you lost your patience yet again:

“ Look here you. Do not dwell on what hasn’t been,

And will never be

For it is thee

Who lived in such a way

That thee would rue to this day.

It was not I who chose the life you lived.

And about that, I am absolutely positive.

I will assume that thou knew the life span of a mortal

And to that, I honestly must chortle.

For, the amount of ignorance you express

Would be enough to make anyone digress.

However, I am not as easily swayed.

Therefore, your death will not be delayed.”

...................................................................................................................................................

And then my lungs stopped inhaling oxygen

And my heart started beating way faster than it should’ve been

And then I fell to the floor

And listened closely to the knocking at the door

Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock……………………….

And then my I inhaled my last few breaths.

And my body dwindled slowly towards death.

Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock…………………….

Knock. Knock. Knock……………….

Knock. Knock…………

Knock…….

SILENCE